Facade
by IHeartArchuleta
Summary: The students of Brewster High aren't who they appear. Maybe if someone looked behind the mask, they would see the pain in their eyes / Oneshot. Angst.


Zander masquerades as the cocky, in love with himself guy. He pretends like he knows he's good looking, and acts not surprised at all when girls sometimes literally throw themselves at him. He's pretended for as long as he can remember. He plays his part effortlessly now, it seems. Something he wishes he is and what he actually is. Because Zander is so far from what he appears to be.

He's not cocky at all. He doesn't even think he's good-looking. Sure, he tries. He tries really hard, even. But it never seems to be enough. Not when he's with the band, surrounded by girls, or even just playing music. And especially not when he's under the critical eye of his mother, who wants her son to look as good as she knows he can – her own sort of perfection.

Zander does what he can. He eats less than normal, and when he does, he gets rid of it. But one look from his mother, he knows it's not enough. He looks down as she raises the critical eyebrow, telling him that he still needs to lose a few pounds. He nods, knowing what this means for him.

He knows his mom's strict, but part of him can't help but think he's to blame, too. He likes looking skinny and healthy. He likes having girls like him and not being teased like Andy. So, he lets her do this to him and his body. He's not sure he wouldn't do it on his own. This is his life. Eating little to nothing or eating and purging. He has to keep his Rock Star good looks, after all. Besides, what girl (especially a girl like Stevie) would go out with someone who didn't keep up good fitness and exercise?

The day after his last inspection with his mom, Kacey brings cupcakes to school. They're chocolate and perfect looking and totally fattening. Zander tries to refuse, knowing his mom will have a fit when she sees him, but the band talks him into it. He sighs and takes a bite out of the cupcake as he looks at all of his friends. He wishes he could tell him the turmoil he feels. But he can't. All of his friends smile and go on with their conversation, oblivious. The only one that spares another glance is Stevie, concern showing in her eyes. He laughs it off and joins the conversation, hoping she'll drop it. He sighs in relief when she does.

After lunch, he hurries to the guys bathroom and into a stall. He locks the door and thinks of how disappointed his mom is going to be. He never should have ate that cupcake. He still needs to lose the two pounds from the last inspection. He can't be eating sweets. She'll be furious.

With these thoughts in mind, he shoves his finger down his throat (something he's become accustomed to) and braces himself as his body purges him of the awful cupcake. When it's over, he leans against the cool wall of the bathroom, wanting so badly for his life to be normal. He wishes he could take all of this back, but he can't.

Yes, Zander acts like he's the cocky, cool guy that has everything together, but in reality it's a completely different story.

XX

Stevie pretends to be the tough girl that lets nothing get to her. She's tough and sarcastic, always having a quick remark to any comment. It's been this way since she was fourteen, when her parents had their awful divorce. It's when everything went downhill for her. So, she created this mask for herself.

She likes being Strong Stevie. It makes her feel so much better when she pretends that nothing gets to her, even if in reality it's far from the truth. Everything gets to her. Every insult that reminds her of just how unperfect and screwed up she is. She hides it well. Not even her best friends know how much all of these things affect her.

The only evidence that shows is the scars on her writsts. She's good about hiding them. Jackets, sleeves, and gloves are her best friends. No one ever asks. She thinks they don't even care, sometimes. But deep down, she knows it's because she doesn't want them to care. She doesn't think she's worth it. So, another cut goes across her skin. The pain's kind of addictive now.

She sits in her room with her bass as she listens to her mom scream at her dad on the phone. It's about her. It usually is. They're arguing about money and child support and Stevie really just wants them to stop. She wants them to stop so bad. She puts her hands over her ears, as she has for two years now, and tries to drown them out.

But it doesn't work (why would it? It never does). She hears her mom yelling some awful things at her father, and has the thought of this being her fault. If she wasn't there, her parents wouldn't be arguing about child support or lack thereof. Maybe it would be better if she disappears. She walks over to her desk and pulls a small box out of a drawer. She grabs the razor and drags it across her skin, blood beginning to show.

She sighs. She's so messed up. She cuts herself. She's never admitted it to anyone but herself. Everyone would think she's a freak. She'd lose all of her friends. She wouldn't be able to stand that. Especially if she lost Zander. Zander's been the one good thing that's came out of her own personal hell. But Zander's not messed up. He'd be gone in a second if she told him, and she doesn't want that.

She slides down her wall so she's sitting on the floor as she watches the blood. It's actually a cool sight, but it reminds her of how weak and not strong she is. No matter how much she pretends things are different.

XX

Kevin acts like he's the class clown, always trying to get laughs from people, and even managing to do it when he's not. He's the funny guy. People expect it. Even his band members -even Nelson, his best friend- expects it. Nobody sees through the comedic shell. He prefers it that way. If anyone saw him for who he really is, he would be the freak outcast that nobody -not even Nelson- would talk to.

Because, behind closed doors at home, Kevin's the serious one. The one that has to be responsible. He has to take care of his little brother and sister, because his dad (while he tries to be there) works a lot to support his family, and his mom's always out doing God-only-knows-what. He has to be the one the younger kids look up to.

He doesn't know how it started, but he wishes it would end. He wants to have fun and be carefree like his friends, but he knows that if he tries to be, things won't be easy for his siblings, and they have to come first. Family always comes first. So, as he watches his brother and sister, making dinner, tucking them into bed, trying to clean up the always filthy, small house, his only escape is laughter.

It's hard to find at first, because he doesn't know where to look. His friends provide some comic relief, but he realizes soon that it's not enough. So, he goes to the library and researches great comedians. He wants to be like them. He wants to be the one that people think is funny.

The character he creates is more successful than he dreamed possible. Finally, at school it's his one chance to not have to be responsible. He finds himself liking school more and more. Sure, he hates the work and the snobs that think they know everything, but aside from that, school's his escape. It's his escape from all the bad things in his life. His dad not being there, his mom sleeping around, everything.

He gets addicted to the feeling, and wishes it could last forever. But he's always pulled back to reality when the bus pulls up at his house. He sighs as he walks in, leaving the Kevin he wishes he is for the Kevin he has to be. Sometimes he wonders what would happen if someone knew. But he knows they wouldn't. No one would notice that under his smile that there's more pain than he could imagine.

XX

Nelson sits on his bed, a calculus book in his lap. He's trying to focus on the material he needs for the test, but finds his thoughts drifting to a place he wishes they'd never go. His thoughts land on his best friend, Kevin Reed. His straight best friend, Kevin Reed. Nelson knows this, but he still can't help thinking of the other boy. He shoots the images down immediately, trying to focus on something different. Like Grace.

He knows it's no use though. Grace hasn't been on his mind for months. His best friend has. It scares him, because he knows it's wrong. He knows it's filthy and disgusting and Kevin would hate him if he found out. So, Nelson masks his feelings by pretending to still be in love with Grace. Pretty, popular Grace that's so far out of his league, he'll never have to worry about actually dating her. It works out well for him.

Except he knows how it really feels, and it kills him. It kills him that he's something this vile. He hates that he has feelings for someone who will never like him back. He hates that the feelings are for his best friend. His male best friend. His male best friend who has a crush on the pretty, talented, ex-most popular girl in school Kacey Simon.

Nelson's not sure when he started drinking, all he knows is that it helps with his feelings for Kevin. They numb out a little bit, and he can concentrate on the person he's supposed to be. Nelson Baxter, the geeky, nerdy genius that's in love with Grace King. Not Nelson Baxter, the queer that's pathetically in love with his best friend who will never love him back.

He takes another drink of the alcohol and prays these feelings end soon. He wants nothing more than for things to be how they used to. Where he could hang out with Kevin and not feel butterflies. When a smile from Grace made his whole day.

He sighs and takes another drink, slowly realizing that day might never come. But at least he has the alcohol to last him if it doesn't.

XX

Kacey Simon remembers the days when she was at the top of the social ladder. She remembers being the leader of the Perfs and having everything at school handed to her on a silver platter at school because she was _Kacey Simon_ of course. She ruled the school and all the people in it. Whether they saw it or not was their problem.

She wishes she could go back to those days sometimes. She wishes she could be Miss Popular again, and be friends with Molly and Grace. She knows it's horrible and selfish -especially with how well Gravity 5 has treated her- but she can't help it. She misses those days. She misses them more than anything in the world.

She can't help but think she's a failure in her parents' eyes. All of the Simon family have been pretty and popular. Kacey lost it all, because of her stupid braces and glasses. She wishes she would've thought of asking the dentist and eye doctor that day, instead of waiting until she got kicked off her pedestal.

Sure, Gravity 5's great, but... it's not the same and she knows that it's not. She just wants to believe it is. So, when she finds a little bit of white powder in her brother's room, she knows immediately what it is. But, instead of telling on him, she decides to try it. Just once. She snorts the powder, and the effect is almost instantaneous.

She feels happy, floaty. She takes the bag from her brother's room and takes it to hers. She hides it her closet on the top shelf, not wanting anyone to see it. And it makes everything a lot easier. Some of what the drug does reminds her of how happy she felt in her old life. She remembers the laughing fits she had with Molly and Grace. The drug takes her to her highest highs.

But it's also brought her to her lowest lows. She feels awful for wanting out of Gravity 5, and the drug intensifies that feeling. She remembers how it was when she first almost quit. Sometimes, she'll sit in her room and cry as she's tripping, the guilt the drug makes her feel too great to bear.

She knows she should stop, but she can't. She's addicted to the highs, those wonderful highs, that make her forget she wants back in the Perfs so bad. Sure, the lows are awful, but they're a small price to pay to make her feel whole again.

XX

Molly sits at her makeup table, looking at a picture of she and Grace. Kacey used to be on the other side of her in the picture, before she ripped her out. She knows she's mean, cold, and calculating, but it's everything Kacey taught her to stay on top of the food chain. Kacey taught her that niceness got people nowhere. Kacey's taught her a lot of things, more than Molly wants to admit.

But the thing is that she IS like Kacey, and she doesn't want to be. But everything about leading the Perfs has come from her. She taught her to rule with an iron fist, not to back down, and to always get what she wants, no questions asked. It hurts Molly to think of it like that, because she doesn't want to be a Kacey Clone. She wants to be Molly Garfunkel, her own person.

But she knows she never will be. She knows she's doomed to follow in Kacey's shadow forever. She brushes her hair as her thoughts still spiral. Why is Kacey so important? Maybe only elements of Kacey came into her personality. A small smile forms on her lips at this, but it dims just as fast. She knows the only thing people are going to remember are the Kacey parts of her, because Kacey Simon is so great and can do no wrong.

She shakes her head and grabs the small bottle of pills. She takes two before going to bed, hoping that the next day, she'll get to be her own person, whoever it may be. Even though she knows she'll never have the guts to actually do it. It's yet another thing she envies Kacey for.

XX

Grace stares at the book, trying to make out the words. She wants to prove to everyone that she's not as dumb as they think she is. She wants to prove that she can be smart, too. But the letters and numbers keep getting jumbled up in her head and it's no use. She'll never be as smart as Molly, and never be able to impress someone like Nelson (a total nerd, but still totally sweet), who's smarter than her on all levels.

It frustrates her because she knows if the words and stuff would go in the right order when she needs them to, she would be a great learner. She wonders if anyone else has these kind of problems, but figures it's probably just her. A freak among her peers. She hopes no one will find out. Especially not Molly. She doesn't want kicked out of the Perfs like Kacey.

She sighs as she throws the book off her bed. Studying is for losers without a life anyway, she convinces herself. She doesn't need to study. She's popular and pretty, and those things will get you far in life. Kacey and Molly taught her that. But somewhere, deep inside, she wonders if that's enough. If she can really get by on just her looks. She has a sinking feeling she won't be able to. She wishes once again that she could be smart, and not dumb like she knows she is.

Yes, to everyone else, Grace King is the dimwitted girl that's okay with it because she's blonde and popular. But on the inside, she longs to be smarter. Even if it's just for a day. But she knows that day will never come.

_Fin._

**So, I think this is like the heaviest thing I've ever written. I think it started really strong in the beginning, and got weaker, but overall, I really like it. I've only seen two episodes of _How to Rock_ so far, so I apologize for OOC-ness. Also, I apologize for making Nelson gay. I needed something for him and I couldn't think of anything except that. I think it works in the story.**

**I have no idea what inspired this. It just kind of happened. Feel free to read or skip this, but if you read it, I'd really appreciate a review. Was this any good? Are the characters IC for the most part? Let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _How to Rock_. If I did... it wouldn't be owned by Nickelodeon. It would be owned by me.**


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